Here’s an exercise from Tanya Chernova and Joanna Andros’ “UnderMind: Discover the 7 Subconscious Beliefs That Sabotage Your Life.” Where’s your starting point?
Your Results Reveal Your Patterns
It behoves us then to take a closer look at your results to get an indication of where there may be survival beliefs holding you back in certain areas. Why do we want you to look at your results and not your individual beliefs or desires at this moment? Because your results give you direct access to your subconscious beliefs.
The life experience that you are now living is the proof that you think a certain way, making your life BE a certain way. The only problem is that these beliefs are often below your awareness.
It’s the parent who wants a connection with her child but doesn’t realize that her form of communication, primarily nagging and critiquing, is sabotaging the results.
It’s the teenager who wants more responsibility and independence but doesn’t see that breaking curfew is causing the lack of trust and hindering that freedom.
It’s the employee who wants a promotion into management but doesn’t see that he isn’t a team player and is disliked by his co-workers.
It’s the woman who wants to have a fulfilling sex life but doesn’t realize that she is pushing her husband away to avoid getting intimate.
It’s the salesperson who wants to make more money but doesn’t realize that his fear of rejection prevents him from closing the sale.
If there is something that you want but don’t have, it’s because there is something sabotaging you below your awareness that you haven’t realized yet, and it continues to undermine your life. Conversely, if there is something you do have in your life that you don’t want, the same principle applies.
As coaches and therapists, we are often in conversation with someone who says, “I am ready for my dreams to come true. I have high self-esteem; I love myself.” Yet, when we look into the results of their life, they reveal a different story. They show a person who is overworked, doesn’t give themselves a break, has a hard time receiving, is constantly demanding more and more of themselves, puts others first, does not ask for support, and so on.
The fact of the matter is that the concrete results in your life RIGHT NOW reveal exactly what is UnderMind (what is in your subconscious, or “under mind,” as well as how you have undermined yourself with your beliefs). There is what you want and the reality of what you have. There is the weight you want to be and the weight that you are now. There is the money you want to have and the debt you have now. There is the fulfillment you crave and the emptiness you feel now. There is the certainty you want and the fear you feel now. Your patterns and what your life looks like today speak volumes. If you are willing to courageously look and listen, your results will quickly reveal your negative core beliefs and the reasons you are struggling.
If you are overworked and want time to relax but you just can’t get away, there is a part of you that prioritizes others before your needs.
If you want to lose weight but you can’t choose healthy foods, you can’t stick to a plan, or you lose only to gain it back again, there is a part of you that sees a benefit to being heavy and you need to heal that.
If you want an intimate relationship but your life history is filled with short-term relationships, you have a pattern of choosing unavailable or unsuitable partners, or you are not being vulnerable in the relationship you are in, there is a part of you that is afraid of commitment and keeps you guarded.
If you want to feel confident and relaxed in social situations but feel you need several drinks before you can talk to anyone, there is a part of you that doesn’t feel safe and you have to numb it out to open up.
If you need more money to live your dream but every month you are living paycheck-to-paycheck or going deeper into debt, there is a part of you that is comfortable with the familiarity of just getting by.
The voice in your head is likely saying, “But that’s not true! My circumstances or situation are this way, and I have no control over it. I am doing my best, and nothing is working!”
You are not alone. We sincerely acknowledge you for doing your very best with the resources you have to manage the situations you are in.
However, we are here to boldly say that, undisputedly, your results will reveal what’s truly UnderMind. They are indicators of what’s buried deep below your awareness that is sabotaging your conscious goals, dreams, and desires.
What’s UnderMind in Your Life? What is Your Life Showing You?
Now is the time to take a look at your life to discover your starting point. Remember while you are unique, you are not alone.
The survey below is designed to take an inventory of your current level of satisfaction and happiness in several different areas of your life. Rate your current situation within the scale provided. We are always shifting; therefore, you can take this survey every three months and notice the answers may vary.
By being honest with yourself, you will become profoundly aware as to what may be missing or how you would like things to be different or better. Once you discover what’s missing, it will lead you to the source of what has kept you stuck with these results. Taking this first step will help you create your vision for a new life or a new strategy to get more of what you want.
Trust the process, as this road will lead you to a more fulfilling life. Many people resist looking at their life—like stepping on a scale, looking at their bank account, or opening up that closet. It requires courage to stop and get a true sense of where you are so you can chart the course to a new and happier life destination.
UnderMind Life Survey
What is your assessment of your life experience right now?
Consider each of the following aspects of your life and enter a number using a 1-10 scale (1 low, 10 high), that you believe is true for you at this point in your life. If a point doesn’t apply to you, skip it.
You are doing this for yourself and no one else. Answer the questions with your gut feeling and trust your first response. If you begin to think too much about it, you’ll have a hard time justifying a number.
What is your evaluation of how you have done in terms of the following? (Low 1, High 10)
- Loving and accepting yourself as a person? ______
- Loving and accepting your body? ______
- Finding meaningful and fulfilling work? ______
- Finding a suitable, romantic relationship/spouse? ______
- Building a successful relationship with your spouse/partner? ______
- Being vulnerable, honest, and intimate with your spouse/partner? ______
- Fulfilling your desire to have children? ______
- Being the parent you wish to be to your children? ______
- Building and/or maintaining a close relationship with your parents? ______
- Building and/or maintaining a close relationship with your siblings? ______
- Developing close and intimate friendships? ______
- Earning the money you deserve? ______
- Managing your finances? ______
- Living up to your intellectual potential? ______
- Nurturing your spirituality (Relationship to Higher Power or greater good)? ______
- Dealing with your fears? ______
- Ability to trust yourself, your life, or others? ______
- Taking care of your emotional health? ______
- Taking care of your physical health? ______
- Serving the community and contributing to others? ______
- Being at peace with yourself? ______
- Communicating your boundaries? ______
- Coming to terms with the process of aging and your own mortality? ______
- Forgiving and healing your past, hurts, or resentments? ______
- Having a clear vision for your life’s direction? ______
- Acting on your dreams and desires? ______
- Keeping your word to yourself or others? ______
- Setting goals and staying focused to achieve them? ______
- Taking regular holidays to refresh or recharge? ______
- Prioritising your needs before the needs of others? (Putting the oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others) ______
- Exploring and being open to new relationships? ______
- Discovering your passion and purpose? ______
- Acknowledging and celebrating your successes? ______
Step 1: Now that you have rated each area of your life, take a moment to circle the lowest scores. It’s your numbering system, so you determine what you believe are “low scores” based on what you feel falls below your expectations and requires your attention. (As a guideline, you may wish to circle anything that is a 6 or lower.)
Step 2: Review the items you have circled and star the ones you have been struggling with for a long period of time.
Step 3: Is there a common theme to the areas with low scores?
Look at the areas below and check the ones that apply.
- Other(s) ________________________
Step 4: Take a moment to reflect on the areas you have identified. Are you considering some of these areas for the first time? Yes or No (circle one)
Have you attempted to resolve these areas in the past? Yes or No (circle one)
What were some of the strategies you used?
What has this exercise revealed for you?
Your self-worth determines your net worth.
This exercise may have been difficult to do—to acknowledge your true feelings about yourself—but being honest with yourself and your life is the first step to genuine change. You may notice that you have tried several strategies to create the results that you want in persistent areas of your life. Most people feel that they simply haven’t found the right strategy or system yet, just like they haven’t found the right person yet or it isn’t the right time yet. It’s not always the strategy that is missing. More often than not, it’s the mindset that’s flawed.
Now that you have identified the areas that require attention, you will have the chance to discover your own patterns and beliefs in the chapters ahead. Your goal through this book is not to make more of a to-do list. This book is not about making new “strategy” goals or resolutions. We invite you to use this list to inspire a vision or a focus and then have the courage to go deeper to find out which beliefs are holding you back from creating the fulfillment you desire in each of these areas.